Fire in the Sky
by littlestkitten
Summary: Yuuri and Conrad talk. And do a little more. Conrad/Yuuri, Without you I'm Nothing arc, follows "A Case of You"


Title: Fire in the Sky

Author: Littlestkitten (saratu on lj)

Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou

Pairing: Conrad/Yuuri

Series: Without You I'm Nothing arc

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,634

Summary: Yuuri and Conrad talk. And do a little more.

Notes: Yuuri is finally allowing me to get things moving. So of course Conrad is refusing to cooperate. But at least there's some progress, right? I'm not quite sure if I'm going to be able to live up to the foreshadowing in this one. I've also lost most of my drive to write as fast as I have been (and school starts again in a week) so don't expect updates to be as often as they have been. Hope you like it.

Yuuri felt guilt churn in his gut as he glanced at Conrad from across the dinner table. Even though he'd been dragging his feet about their talk, Conrad had been patient. He hadn't even questioned Yuuri's new fondness of climbing into his bed nearly every night. Yuuri hadn't planned on making a habit out of it, but he just couldn't sleep in his big bed alone. He didn't even make a show of trying anymore, just made his way to Conrad's room when he was ready to sleep

He was using the man. He knew this, and figured Conrad must have noticed it as well. He wasn't meaning to, he just couldn't bring himself to take the next step in their relationship, to voice everything kept unspoken so far.

He thought he knew that Conrad loved him. But at the same time he was unsure. All he was basing that on was that one moment, that one meeting of gazes in Julia's room, and the kiss that followed. What if Conrad had just been feeling desperate or lonely? It could be that anyone would have done at the moment, and that the general affection Conrad felt for him had made it more intense. He wanted to know so badly what Conrad felt for him, but he was equally afraid that he'd be told he was like a brother, or worse, that Conrad only cared for him as a subject for their king.

But him feeling insecure was no reason to string the man along. Yuuri knew he had no right to be doing what he was. Anyone else probably would have grown bored or annoyed with Yuuri and forced him to come to a decision. But Conrad had been patient with him so far, and Yuuri hoped that this meant he was wanted as well. Avoiding the issue would solve nothing. The only thing that would make this anxiety go away, even if it was only partway, was talking with him. And if Yuuri ended up getting his heart broken, well, at least he knew Conrad would be nice about it.

The walk to their, now essentially shared room was full of tension. The others had picked up on Yuuri's nervousness and the dinner party had been uncharacteristically quiet that evening. The mood followed them as they left and Yuuri felt himself get even more nervous as they walked. The path to Conrad's room was now as familiar to him as the one to his own room and left him with concentration to spare on the upcoming talk.

They paused briefly for Yuuri to change into his pajamas and get all the way ready for bed. It was a little early to do so but Yuuri didn't want any excuse to stop once they'd started their conversation. He frowned as he left his room, there really was no reason to keep up separate quarters when Yuuri hardly ever used his own. He should at least have some of his things moved to Conrad's room. If everything went well tonight, then he would ask to do that tomorrow. Yuuri felt a little easier, now that he had a firm plan for at least one thing.

When they reached the room Conrad instantly started his own nighttime routine. Yuuri made himself comfortable on the bed and tried not to fidget too obviously while he waited. Their usual custom was for Yuuri to read while Conrad worked on reports. The other man had seemed to pick up on the atmosphere, or at least Yuuri's lack of reading material, for he came to bed without his writing desk. They both sat there looking at each other expectantly for a moment before Yuuri couldn't stand the awkward eye contact anymore. He smoothed the bedcovers while trying to think of a good way to begin. The silence stretched and coiled until Yuuri felt the need to be rid of it bubble up in his chest.

"We should talk," Yuuri said after finally mustering the courage to break the silence. He saw Conrad frown at him out of the corner of his eye. Yuuri had always kept everything unspoken between them. During the day things were normal, Conrad was the person he talked to when he needed advice or just a friendly ear, but at night they hardly ever spoke more than was necessary. This was a change in routine and Yuuri hoped he wouldn't end up regretting it. "This talk is past due and I'm sorry that I've been dragging my feet about it. Your deserve more than this." Yuuri paused here, unsure of how to continue or if he even should.

"Hei- Yuuri, you don't have to do this. Not if you're not ready yet. I understand that this is difficult for you. I'm happy that you allow me this, you don't need to give me any more."

Yuuri frowned as he puzzled over what Conrad had just said. The use of his real name was a good sign, but the rest, the rest of the sentence was just confusing. Didn't Conrad want more? Could it be that he was truly happy with the way things were, with the way Yuuri was constantly taking and giving nothing back? But Yuuri wasn't happy with the way things were. And if Conrad really didn't care then Yuuri would just have to continue to be selfish.

"I want to do this, Conrad, I . . . I care about you," Yuuri stopped again; surprised by the sharp intake of breath he'd heard. He looked up again to see Conrad watching him with that same look that had caused this whole thing to start.

"Yuuri," He murmured before leaning forward to capture Yuuri's mouth in a kiss. It was unlike anything Yuuri had ever felt before. And while seeing stars was a bit of an exaggeration, he could understand why people would be tempted to use it. The only other kiss they'd ever shared was nothing compared to this. The last one had been soft and chaste, more about sealing a promise. This one was hard and anything _but_ chaste. It felt like the sort of kiss that should be described as brutal, if Conrad wasn't always so heartbreakingly gentle with him. Yuuri heard himself moan before he was suddenly bereft of all touch.

His breath was coming in ragged gasps as he stared at Conrad who was now a good two feet away from him. He wanted him close again. He couldn't stand this distance between them. Not the physical, and not the one of unspoken words and feelings that had been haunting them. But the soldier had that look on his face again, the one that spoke of guilt, the one that meant he was going to try and withdraw again. Well, Yuuri just wouldn't let him.

"Yuuri," Conrad started as the young man moved toward him again. He was cut off, however, as his king sealed their lips together once more. This time it was Conrad who moaned at the sensation. It helped a little with Yuuri's sudden feeling of uncertainty, but didn't banish it completely. He was entirely unsure of what to do. Their first kiss had just been a pressing together of lips and Conrad had controlled their second. Now that he was in charge, Yuuri remembered exactly how inexperienced he was. He didn't want Conrad to realize this though. That seemed like the sort of thing that would make the man feel even _more_ guilty, and the whole point of this was to stop that from happening.

So he did his best to pretend like he knew what he was doing as he moved his lips along Conrad's. It was hard to remember that he was trying to add some finesse into the kiss when it felt so good. Conrad's lips were a little chapped but that only heightened the sensation and he wanted more of it. He wanted them pressed close together, skin to skin, until they couldn't tell who was who. All of these thoughts didn't stop him from eeping and pulling back, however, when he felt Conrad's tongue run along the seam of his lips.

He'd known that people did that but had still been surprised to feel the sensation. It hadn't been a bad one necessarily, but still surprising, and maybe a little gross when he thought about it. He startled as he heard Conrad chuckle. The man was once again looking at him fondly and all traces of guilt were gone from his eyes. Yuuri blushed at the amused look Conrad was giving him. It wasn't _that_ funny. So what if he'd never been kissed before? Lots of people hadn't, in fact Murata probably hadn't. Except that the pervy skirt-chaser probably had, and even if he hadn't, well, he most likely would remember it from a past life or something. Life was so unfair.

"Yuuri," the sound of his name pulled him away from his indignant musings and his face seemed to grow even hotter as Conrad touched his cheek gently. "Didn't you want to talk?"

Yuuri felt himself blink stupidly before groaning. How could the man think about talking now? Didn't he feel the same fire burning in his veins that Yuuri did? Surely he wasn't unaffected from that kiss. Yuuri peered at him suspiciously but couldn't find any evidence that Conrad had felt anything. So he decided to find out (and Yuuri still couldn't understand what had ever possessed him to do this) and reached down to feel whether or not Conrad had any lingering effects. And instantly pulled his hand back at the feeling of hot hardness that had met him. Conrad groaned low in his throat and his hips jerked a little before he could get himself under control.

Yuuri fell back on the bed clutching his face in mortification as the reality of what he'd just done hit him. Just because he'd wanted to ascertain that Conrad felt similar to him didn't mean he should grope the man! Besides, that wasn't something you did until at least the third date (not that they'd been dating) and why did he need to remember his brother's advice now? He peeked between his fingers at Conrad who was still staring at him in shock.

"Um, maybe we should talk now?"

Conrad slowly nodded while looking at Yuuri as if he'd suddenly sprouted those wings his mother had always thought he'd look so cute with. He was surprised the other man wasn't checking him for a fever, what with the uncharacteristic and insane way he'd been acting. Maybe it would be a good idea to pretend he'd come down with something? But no, they needed to have this talk, now more than ever, and Yuuri wouldn't let either of them leave this room before they had at least made some progress.

He took a deep breath, partially to quiet his nerves, and partially to quiet the parts of his body that were currently screaming for attention. He opened his mouth before instantly closing it again. He glanced up at Conrad from underneath his eyelashes. The man was once again composed which somehow made this whole thing even harder. Of course having him slightly flushed and panting wouldn't have helped either. But he was getting sidetracked.

"Do you love me?" Well that hadn't been what he'd meant to say. Way to sound insecure and childish. Besides, he knew the man loved him; it was the sort of love that he was unsure of. Before he could retract the question, however, Conrad placed a single finger against his lips.

"I don't know what I've done to make you question that, Yuuri. I love you very much. I suppose, you're real question is, in what way do I love you?"

Yuuri nodded his head; glad that he wouldn't have to put words to his half-formed thoughts. He was relieved yet disappointed when Conrad removed his finger from his lips. They sat in silence as Conrad mulled over his answer.

"I love you in many different ways, Yuuri. You are," Conrad paused for a moment before continuing. "You are the most important person to me. As you already know, you have my arm, my heart, and my life. I would do anything for you."

Conrad trailed off again and turned to look Yuuri in the eyes. It wasn't quite the answer he'd been looking for but it would do. It was enough to put to rest the majority of his fears, and it was unfair anyway to expect Conrad to confess everything, when he himself had confessed almost nothing. He wanted to, he did. It was just that, he wasn't good at this sort of thing. He'd never had a way with words and for something so important, he wanted to be able to say it perfectly.

But he couldn't put this off any longer. At the very least he should say what he expected from this relationship. He couldn't leave Conrad hanging any longer. But he wouldn't lie either, he wouldn't confess to feelings he didn't feel. If there was one thing he learned from his engagement to Wolfram it was that it was better to move slow. Jumping into things just made people expect more than was reasonable. And it was bad enough that he had broken the heart of one of his friends, he didn't want to go through that again.

"I care about you a lot," He paused and sighed as he searched for the words to continue. He glanced at Conrad but the man was keeping perfectly expressionless. "I'm not sure exactly what I want out of this. I'm not sure if I love you in that way. But I do think that I love you. And, I want to be with you. I want to be in a . . . in a relationship with you. I know it's not much of a promise and if it's not enough I understand. I would never expect you to do something you didn't want to and I absolutely forbid you to be me with me because I'm the king. Actually, I want you to prom-"

Yuuri cut his rambling short when he heard a small chuckle come from Conrad. He pouted a little as he glared at the man. Here he was, confessing his innermost thoughts, and Conrad had the gall to laugh at him! He didn't see what was so funny about this anyway.

"Oh Yuuri," Conrad sighed as he smiled at the indignant looking king. "It's okay that you don't know yet. I wouldn't expect you to be completely sure. It's enough that you're willing to be with me. I'll take anything you're willing to offer."

There was a vague prickling of unease at those words but Yuuri pushed it down in favor of feeling happy. Conrad wanted to be with him, and he didn't even care that Yuuri was an indecisive mess when it came to these things. Everything would work out, he was sure of it now. They could be together like this, for now, and eventually figure out the hard stuff later.

He yawned softly, worn out from the talk and the emotions that had come with it. Conrad smiled at him and Yuuri felt warmth spread in his chest at the expression of love in those eyes. He let himself be pulled down and cradled gently against Conrad's chest. They could hammer out the details of their relationship later. They had discussed the most important part, the rest would wait. For now he would bask in the feeling of being held in these strong arms. He drifted off to pleasant thoughts of their future happiness together. Nothing would come between them, he wouldn't let it.


End file.
